ManThing and I were feeling particularly lazy Friday night, so when the subject of dinner came up, we opted for the box dinner route. We'd had a box of this stuff in the pantry, and it sounded good enough, but once we started to cook it, something smelled...off. I thought it might improve when the cooking was done, but no. I couldn't get past the smell to even taste it, but ManThing braved it. He said it was pretty bad. We disposed of the ass-rice, and ManThing created a song to commemorate it:
Ass-a-R0ni
My God, It Smells Like Feet!
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Friday, August 05, 2005
Free lunches provided by building product vendors are one of the meager perks of working in architecture. If you are willing to give up the relative freedom of your lunch hour in order to listen to a presentation, you get free food, and sometimes an hour of Continuing Education credit, in return.
I have a flowchart-esque set of standards by which I determine the lunch presentations I will attend.
First, will I receive Continuing Education credit for attending?
If so, then the next consideration is where the food is from. If the food is from J@son’s Deli, none of the other criteria apply- I will not attend. I’ve had my fill of their giant glob of meat on crappy, thin sandwich bread, with a sad looking baggie of iceberg lettuce shreds and greenish tomato slice (which usually has the core in it, because of my curse*).
If the food is decent, subject matter is the next concern. Copper cladding? Okay, but only if the food’s good. Mold prevention in exterior walls? Forget it; I’ve been to no less than four of those already. Wallcovering? Schneh; doesn’t meet my first requirement.
Sometimes, even when I don’t attend, I’ll get lucky and they’ll move the leftovers to the kitchen.
The lunches require some strategy. Timing is everything. My usual tactic is to mill around the conference room, first to get a glimpse of what is being served, then to pounce at precisely the right time so as to be near the front of the line for optimal selection- and a seat at the table.
However, a seat in the rear of the room sometimes comes in handy for a case of the post-lunch sleepies. I still get Continuing Ed credit thanks to the All-Powerful Sign-In Sheet, conscious or not.
*I always get the core of the tomato in anything that is prepared for me in a restaurant. Always. Usually, I get three or four in the same dish. I once even got a core in a can of stewed tomatoes.
I have a flowchart-esque set of standards by which I determine the lunch presentations I will attend.
First, will I receive Continuing Education credit for attending?
If so, then the next consideration is where the food is from. If the food is from J@son’s Deli, none of the other criteria apply- I will not attend. I’ve had my fill of their giant glob of meat on crappy, thin sandwich bread, with a sad looking baggie of iceberg lettuce shreds and greenish tomato slice (which usually has the core in it, because of my curse*).
If the food is decent, subject matter is the next concern. Copper cladding? Okay, but only if the food’s good. Mold prevention in exterior walls? Forget it; I’ve been to no less than four of those already. Wallcovering? Schneh; doesn’t meet my first requirement.
Sometimes, even when I don’t attend, I’ll get lucky and they’ll move the leftovers to the kitchen.
The lunches require some strategy. Timing is everything. My usual tactic is to mill around the conference room, first to get a glimpse of what is being served, then to pounce at precisely the right time so as to be near the front of the line for optimal selection- and a seat at the table.
However, a seat in the rear of the room sometimes comes in handy for a case of the post-lunch sleepies. I still get Continuing Ed credit thanks to the All-Powerful Sign-In Sheet, conscious or not.
*I always get the core of the tomato in anything that is prepared for me in a restaurant. Always. Usually, I get three or four in the same dish. I once even got a core in a can of stewed tomatoes.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Friday, July 29, 2005
The Week in Review
Monday
The week began dreadfully, with a 6-hour meeting about exterior wall sections. As we painstakingly reviewed each wall section, Project Manager drew the revisions on a dry-erase board. Every time he drew a line segment longer than an inch, the marker would emit a terrible “SQEEEEEEEEEEEEE.” He drew during the entire meeting.
Tuesday
The server crashed at around 10. I lost some work, but it wasn’t that bad. Later that afternoon, the file I was working on continued to crash, and I had to go back at least two backup versions to get a usable one. I lost a lot of work that time. This incident caused me to unleash a symphony of verbal filth so vivid and foul that coworkers two cubicles over wept for the loss of innocence of their children’s ears.
Wednesday
I began work on someone else’s plans. I noticed that…the walls. Don't. Line up. On either side. Of the doorways. [Slaps forehead] [Eye twitch] GAH!!
Thursday
I spent the day redoing 74,000 square feet of ceiling plans, because someone else screwed them up the first time. I forgot to take my iPod to the office, and was forced to listen to Hack n’ Snort’s incessant personal phone calls. I resisted vicious urges to begin taking a tally of how many times he said "Well, let me ask you this" and "I'll be honest with you" on the phone. Let's just say it was a lot.
Friday
As a reward for making it thus far, I started my day with a caramel macchiato. Upon reaching the office, I thought it would be a nice, easy day of creating print files- except I found that I had messed something up and had to fix it. Shortly after this discovery, I got called back onto an old job, “Project 1.” The PA for my current project “caught” me working on Project 1, and got upset. I had to hurriedly get off the old job, thus pissing off the PA for Project 1. I got back to work on the current job. Then my file started to crash again. As it is a plan file, it affected everyone else who was trying to print.
Needless to say, this day will either end in tears or beers.
Oh, wait. It will end in neither, because I have to fucking go home and fucking clean the fuckity-fuck-fucking house because my parents are coming this weekend and I have to entertain them instead of getting the birthday massage that ManThing said he was going to buy me.
Fuck.
The week began dreadfully, with a 6-hour meeting about exterior wall sections. As we painstakingly reviewed each wall section, Project Manager drew the revisions on a dry-erase board. Every time he drew a line segment longer than an inch, the marker would emit a terrible “SQEEEEEEEEEEEEE.” He drew during the entire meeting.
Tuesday
The server crashed at around 10. I lost some work, but it wasn’t that bad. Later that afternoon, the file I was working on continued to crash, and I had to go back at least two backup versions to get a usable one. I lost a lot of work that time. This incident caused me to unleash a symphony of verbal filth so vivid and foul that coworkers two cubicles over wept for the loss of innocence of their children’s ears.
Wednesday
I began work on someone else’s plans. I noticed that…the walls. Don't. Line up. On either side. Of the doorways. [Slaps forehead] [Eye twitch] GAH!!
Thursday
I spent the day redoing 74,000 square feet of ceiling plans, because someone else screwed them up the first time. I forgot to take my iPod to the office, and was forced to listen to Hack n’ Snort’s incessant personal phone calls. I resisted vicious urges to begin taking a tally of how many times he said "Well, let me ask you this" and "I'll be honest with you" on the phone. Let's just say it was a lot.
Friday
As a reward for making it thus far, I started my day with a caramel macchiato. Upon reaching the office, I thought it would be a nice, easy day of creating print files- except I found that I had messed something up and had to fix it. Shortly after this discovery, I got called back onto an old job, “Project 1.” The PA for my current project “caught” me working on Project 1, and got upset. I had to hurriedly get off the old job, thus pissing off the PA for Project 1. I got back to work on the current job. Then my file started to crash again. As it is a plan file, it affected everyone else who was trying to print.
Needless to say, this day will either end in tears or beers.
Oh, wait. It will end in neither, because I have to fucking go home and fucking clean the fuckity-fuck-fucking house because my parents are coming this weekend and I have to entertain them instead of getting the birthday massage that ManThing said he was going to buy me.
Fuck.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I am clearly suffering from Architectural Bipolar Disorder, or ABD. Notice, if you will, that the acronym could also stand for “A Bad Decision”.
(I realize I probably exhausted the comedic potential for this concept the first time I did it, but I couldn’t resist one more. This is the last one, I promise.)
Architectural Bipolar Disorder, also known as Chronic Career Remorse, is a brain disorder that causes unusual, and often quite sudden, shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of ABD are severe.
ABD causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "hyper" and willing to work, to apathetic and hopeless, and then back again. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes. Sufferers can experience several swings in the space of a month, a week, or even a single day.
Signs and symptoms of a “high” episode include:
· Increased energy and willingness to work
· Overly good, euphoric mood
· Lessened need for Coffee Bribery
· Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and professional worth
· A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual (i.e., working consistently, and without surfing the Internet in the background)
· Denial that anything is wrong (This job isn’t so bad!)
Signs and symptoms of a “low” episode include:
· Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, helplessness, and/ or pessimism
· Decreased energy, episodes of “I don’t wanna”
· Difficulty concentrating, making decisions (which mindless task should I do next?)
· Restlessness or irritability (Dammit, why isn’t it 5 yet?)
· Increase in coffee trips, and the desire to take up smoking in order to get more breaks
Sometimes, severe episodes include symptoms of psychosis (or psychotic symptoms). Common psychotic symptoms are hallucinations (I swear I saved that file!) and delusions (AutoCAD is out to get me!). Psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder tend to reflect the extreme mood state at the time. For example, delusions of grandiosity, such as believing one is a designer, or is wealthy, may occur during a “high” episode; delusions of guilt or worthlessness, such as believing that one is destined to be forever penniless or has committed some karmic sin resulting in an architectural career, may appear during a “low” episode.
I'm done now. Really.
(I realize I probably exhausted the comedic potential for this concept the first time I did it, but I couldn’t resist one more. This is the last one, I promise.)
Architectural Bipolar Disorder, also known as Chronic Career Remorse, is a brain disorder that causes unusual, and often quite sudden, shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of ABD are severe.
ABD causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "hyper" and willing to work, to apathetic and hopeless, and then back again. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes. Sufferers can experience several swings in the space of a month, a week, or even a single day.
Signs and symptoms of a “high” episode include:
· Increased energy and willingness to work
· Overly good, euphoric mood
· Lessened need for Coffee Bribery
· Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and professional worth
· A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual (i.e., working consistently, and without surfing the Internet in the background)
· Denial that anything is wrong (This job isn’t so bad!)
Signs and symptoms of a “low” episode include:
· Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, helplessness, and/ or pessimism
· Decreased energy, episodes of “I don’t wanna”
· Difficulty concentrating, making decisions (which mindless task should I do next?)
· Restlessness or irritability (Dammit, why isn’t it 5 yet?)
· Increase in coffee trips, and the desire to take up smoking in order to get more breaks
Sometimes, severe episodes include symptoms of psychosis (or psychotic symptoms). Common psychotic symptoms are hallucinations (I swear I saved that file!) and delusions (AutoCAD is out to get me!). Psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder tend to reflect the extreme mood state at the time. For example, delusions of grandiosity, such as believing one is a designer, or is wealthy, may occur during a “high” episode; delusions of guilt or worthlessness, such as believing that one is destined to be forever penniless or has committed some karmic sin resulting in an architectural career, may appear during a “low” episode.
I'm done now. Really.
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