I forgot the earphones to my iPod, so I will have to listen to Hack-and-Snort Guy all day. Also known to me as Unfortunate Dandruff Guy, Hack-and-Snort has what appears to be a chronic sinus issue; allergies, I guess. When I don’t have my earphones, I have the joy of listening to him sucking down snot (snort) and clearing his throat (“hem-hem,” hack) every few minutes. It is 8:45 and I am already annoyed beyond belief. I want to get up from my chair, walk the eight steps between our desks with increasing speed at each subsequent step, leap into the air, and throttle him; my teeth bared, growling, “take a fucking Benadryl, you moron!”

There's no courteous way of telling him this, is there?