But will it shrink inflamed Project Managers?

Yesterday, I read one of the worst print ads I’ve ever seen. I won’t reproduce it in its entirety, because I’m scared of the lawyers. The surprising thing was that it was in one of my industry magazines. Has spam now spread to magazines as well? If it weren’t for the fact that the company is based out of California, it would almost qualify as Chinglish.

It read thusly (my favorite part in bold):

"The [product manufacturer] offers any U.S. established business or public agency its money back after making an average of 4,200 gallons from its first gallon, if it regretted its purchase. Also $5,000 worldwide to the first product to beat it at activating, reviving, transplanting, growing, and perfecting. Long since, [product name] has helped 5 U.S. departments to win World War II. Over 500 park system chiefs have written that [product name] works best. [Product’s] record includes repeatedly averted bankruptcies, quickly reversing whole great lost plantings to beautiful winners."

Huh. I didn’t know WWII was still on.

The high-production-budget photo accompanying the copy is of a generic black barrel, with a piece of paper taped to the top half that reads:

“FOR 100% PROUD JOBS – ‘IMPOSSIBLES’ MADE EASY.”

The bottom half of the barrel sports a very busy sticker, which boasts things such as:

“Greatest Guarantee-Offer PROOF Ever.”

Sounds like I could use a tub of this stuff on Project B.