Thursday, October 28, 2004

Somebody Needs To Stop Me

I’m sitting here wanting to quit so bad I can taste it in the back of my throat. Okay, maybe that’s just post-nasal drip from this nasty sinus thing I have. Sorry for the visual. Compounding the problem is the fact that I took some pseudoephedrine (oh, calm down, it’s sinus meds), and that always makes me feel twitchy and really agitated.

I’m fighting the urge to up and quit, just like when I’m sick and I know I’m going to throw up, but I will fight it.

Yeah. It’s that bad.

ManThing gave me “permission” to cash in my IRA and live off that for a while, but I can’t bring myself to do it, no matter how much I hate this place. He felt the need to give me “permission” because he knew I wouldn’t give it to myself. One would think this would have a calming effect on me; just knowing I had an "out" would give me the ability to hang on until one of the jobs I've been pursuing drops. Quite the opposite. I just have the overwhelming urge to do it now, do it now, do it now!!

I’ve never just quit a place before, not even Wal-Mart. I gave them four weeks notice, for crap’s sake! I almost feel like I need to just do this, just once in my life.

It makes no financial sense to do it; in fact, it’s the dumbest thing I could possibly do right now. But I want it. I’m willing to give up the deposit I've saved for a MINI Cooper to do this. Hell, I'm willing to give up meals to do this.

But I'm a chickenshit, so I won't. A compromise, perhaps. I'll wait until I get another job, and then I'll tell them to piss off with no notice. A monkey can dream. :)

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