It read thusly (my favorite part in bold):
"The [product manufacturer] offers any U.S. established business or public agency its money back after making an average of 4,200 gallons from its first gallon, if it regretted its purchase. Also $5,000 worldwide to the first product to beat it at activating, reviving, transplanting, growing, and perfecting. Long since, [product name] has helped 5 U.S. departments to win World War II. Over 500 park system chiefs have written that [product name] works best. [Product’s] record includes repeatedly averted bankruptcies, quickly reversing whole great lost plantings to beautiful winners."
Huh. I didn’t know WWII was still on.
The high-production-budget photo accompanying the copy is of a generic black barrel, with a piece of paper taped to the top half that reads:
“FOR 100% PROUD JOBS – ‘IMPOSSIBLES’ MADE EASY.”
The bottom half of the barrel sports a very busy sticker, which boasts things such as:
“Greatest Guarantee-Offer PROOF Ever.”
Sounds like I could use a tub of this stuff on Project B.