Hi, it's me. I'm still as pissy as ever.
Did you miss me?
I didn't think so.
The whole theory of “paying your dues” is a bunch of crap. I thought, if I worked really hard to learn how to make “buildable” buildings; concentrating on details, and systems, that it would help me- one day- to become a GOOD DESIGNER. That plan was pointless. I will never be a designer, because I didn’t become one RIGHT OUT OF SCHOOL. Unfortunately, that depends on who you know; and I knew no one. Hence, I fell into the category: “Once a production person, always a production person.”
Why do I let this eat at me so much? I know this is a damn good job, and I should just shut up and do it- and do it well, as I am capable of. Perhaps even excel, a little.
Most days, I can picture myself being okay with what I do. I am hopeful that, with two properly working legs, I can begin to exercise away all this excess angst.
Every time I hear the designers next to me whine about how they should have a section of the office to themselves; creating a “Designers Only” Ivory Tower separate from the shit fields of Production, I get pissed off all over again. All I can think is, no matter what my performance reviews say, I will never get to design- because of this attitude. If you don’t walk in the front door as a Designer from Day One, you WILL NEVER BECOME ONE. Crossovers just don’t happen. There is no credibility established unless you had it when you arrived.
The Designers don’t want my shit-covered feet all over their Ivory Tower’s floor.
Maybe it would be better if they all moved to some remote corner of the building, after all. At least then I wouldn’t continue to harbor these stupid hopes, only to have them destroyed again by the designers’ separatist bitching sessions.