Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Anybody know how I could impale myself without piercing any major organs?

I was having dinner with a friend last Thursday; and she mentioned something about how it sure would be nice to have surgery, if only so she could have some time off to sleep. Now, this particular friend is a prime example of the worker I sometimes wish I were. She works 50-60 hours a week, but that’s acceptable to her, because she loves her job. That’s why it surprised me that she would wish for hospitalization just to get some rest. That sort of thing sounds much more like a fantasy of mine.

I was reminded of that conversation last night, when I was having pains in my lower right abdomen. I thought for a minute, “Ooh, maybe it's appendicitis! I could take off for short-term disability and lay on my ass for a week or so. That would rock!”

Who thinks this way? Who would wish themselves bodily harm just to get out of dragging ass to the office for a little while?

Apparently, I’m not the only one. I told Lori about my wish for a life-threatening condition, and the following conversation arose:

Lori: No such luck. That is really sad...yes, I have the same thoughts occasionally. Like the other morning when I didn't feel so hot and would maybe throw up. Turned out to just be a hangover. Damn!

Mikey said: I'm still trying to find the loophole that allows a massage a month under the health plan I've got. It may just be a rumor, but hell, it's worth a try.

CAD Monkey: Booze Therapy? Is that covered?

Mikey: Hey you know how these union gubamint jobs are in them LIB AHH RALLL states are. I just need to wade thru all the by-laws, or deep enough that nobody else will check and it just may be covered. I think it's somewhere around the discount for Goodyear tires.

Maybe I could try my luck on the Tollway. I've lived in Dallas for five years, and haven't had an accident. I'm way overdue.

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