Monday, November 01, 2004

Happy Fun Make-Believe World!

CAD Monkey's note - I tried to stop posting at work and actually concentrate on work for once. I tried- but as evidenced by the following, I failed miserably.

Each interview I now go to is like a glimpse into another world I can fantasize myself in. Each time, I am creating a picture in my head for future replay of a place better than this.

I could see myself making the commute downtown and driving like a hellion through the parking garage. Coming in each morning, I would tell people “good morning,” and actually mean it. At lunch, I could eat at the cafeteria downstairs, with its enticing aromas, or sit at my cheerfully decorated desk; and then take a walk around the block. I even know which tennis shoes I will be wearing. The possibility of being in a brightly lit, brightly colored, pleasant place is what I cling to after each interview.

Watching the clouds roll across the sky from the 38th floor window, I can envision myself holding a meeting in the very same conference room I wait in. As I wait, I clasp my hands together, one over the other, trying to warm them. I don’t want my first handshake to be cold to the touch. The room is just the right temperature- a huge departure from my current office. Breathing deeply, I try to relax and run through what I can say that will convey the perfect mix of eagerness and restraint. I fidget terribly, alternating between putting the hair on one side behind my ear, and letting it hang loose.

Please please please…

Trying to burn this silent plea into their minds with my attentive stare, I listen to what they tell me. Everything sounds absolutely wonderful. I don’t even care about the insurance plan, but it sounds wonderful, too.

They ask what my availability is. I say it’s “flexible,” two weeks to wrap up what I’m doing if they need me sooner, and I can wait if they want me later. Lies. All lies. Truthfully, I would go directly to a desk and start working that instant if they would have me. I would resign via phone call.

When I leave, I take the elevator back down, which is symbolic of my descent back into hell. I don’t want to go; it’s so pretty here. Please don’t make me.

Now the waiting begins once more. But tomorrow I have another interview, and another new world to live in for a little while.

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