Monday, October 11, 2004

CAD Monkey Hangs Her Head In Shame

To The Future Administrative Staff of [current project] Hospital:

You may find yourself, sitting in your crappy little cubicle, wondering who the dumbass was that designed your workspace.

It was I, CAD Monkey, and I’m very sorry.

As always, I tried to make your space a good space. I reeeeeally tried. On at least three separate attempts, I moved and rotated and stretched and prodded and poked and pleaded with the cubicle plan; the Tetris theme song constantly running through my head- but to no avail. I couldn’t do it. Though I like to think of myself as a good enough designer to do a job well, regardless of the obstacles, there were too many factors working against me.

Cowardly as it may sound, I place the blame on the owner of your building.

I blame the owner for insisting on a bare-minimum, tight-ass plan with no room for adjustments.

I blame the owner for telling me, “This type of building can be done in 35,000 square feet. We’ve done it before (yet owner offers no plans to prove this).”

[Really? When I programmed it to a functional size, I got 42,000 square feet; but, hey, what do I know?]

I blame the owner for severely restricting the square footage of the building, to the point where the structural plan necessitates putting a column right in the frippin’ middle of your department.
Mostly, I blame the owner for wanting a certain number of desks in your department, then wanting to lessen the square footage of the department, and then wanting to put more than the original number of desks in.

I deeply empathize with your workspace situation. Currently, I am working at a folding table in front of the office kitchen, with a painfully clear view of the office bathroom, and with no natural light anywhere to be found. The principals sit upstairs on a mezzanine, with windows, a great view, and the ability to lord over all of the office monkeys.

Believe me, this was not an attempt to “screw the staff”- I even tried to stick it to your CEO, and take away his windowed office!

Please accept my apologies,

CAD Monkey
Fellow beleaguered staff member

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